I’m Only Happy Because I’m 6′8″

So there’s this article that says Taller People are Happier.

I have to admit that I am a generally happy guy. I never tied it to my height, but I’m willing to go along with it. I assume it’s because up in this altitude my brain is starved of oxygen. That or because I have so much sex with my wife. I also can see the lead singer of the band no matter where I am in the crowd. So many reasons to be happy…most of them tied to my height. Okay, maybe not the sex thing.

I do get really sad when I have to buy all of my clothes from the J.C. Penny’s big and tall men’s catalogue. I wish they’d just come clean and title it “DORK CLOTHING INC.” Come on idiots at J.C. Penny’s, I’m freaking 6′8″ so why would I want red plaid slacks?! I’d look like a Scottish clown who played golf.

Anyways, other than the J.C. Penny’s catalogue thing I guess I’m pretty happy.

9/11 after 7 years

My brother woke me with a phone call, “Doug, something is going on in New York. A plane hit the World Trade Center.” I turned on the TV and the second plane had just hit. “What the hell’s going on?”

Our greatest threat was revealed on that day. Not Climate Change. Not Europe’s perception of us. But a religiously motivated totalitarian regime. They did it with box-cutters. My hero, the President of the United States, has thwarted hundreds of attacks since then. I don’t think any of us could imagine a world where we wouldn’t be hit for seven years. I’m thankful. If Obama gets into office I will praise him til’ my dying day if he too, keeps us from being hit for another 8 years.

I’ll never forget the men and women in business attire leaping from the burning buildings because jumping was preferred to burning to death in an inferno.

We rallied together, behind a common flag to fight this enemy. Now when I look at a flag it has a different meaning to me. I used to love it because it represented America, now I love it because it represents an awakened America. We put flags on our houses again, on our cars, we waved them in the streets. When we were hit by enemies we didn’t cower, we got out our flags and showed the world we were united.

Then we forgot.

Training for a Half Marathon

It’s true. It’s official. I’m going to run the Pasadena half marathon. It’s actually a Marathon, half marathon and 5k but I’m only doing the half.

I find that I do a lot better at something if I make it into some kind of competition. I have to have a goal, and it has to be hard but within the realm of possibility, which is why I’m not running the marathon.

I once did a half marathon…in San Diego…ahem, twenty years ago. My goal is the same as it was then, to just run the whole thing without stopping. That’ll be 13.1 miles and my longest run this year has been 8 miles.

McPalin

This is what happens when the press awoke the sleeping dragon-lady. And there was never a more graceful lovely dismantling of elite media in my lifetime. This is not McCain vs. Obama, it’s the Obama wing of the media against soccer-mom America…and the media doesn’t have a chance.

These are the new battle-grounds and I love how journalism just got their candidate’s head handed back to them on a platter. Don’t jack with momma bear’s cubs.

Style – 0
Substance – 1

The funny is that half of the Republicans in the room didn’t understand that when McPalin cleans up politics a whole mess of that cheering room is going to get their own pork-packed Republican heads handed back to them on a spit. Keep cheering guys.

Evil Seals

It’s official. I’m afraid of seals. They look like bloated, hairy, leeches and seemed harmless until this last weekend when I snorkeled at La Jolla Cove.

These things are huge, I’m talking twelve feet long. Standing on a rock, fifteen seals swirled around and wanted the rock. They didn’t like me up there, and might have seen me as establishing my dominance given I was displaying my colors…my day-glow swim trunks from Target.

I crawled down the rock, snorkel and breathing tube pulled up on my head, and as soon as I put my feet in the water the seals would circle closer, put their head above water and show their teeth. I don’t care how brave you think you are, seals have the exact same sized teeth and jaws of a wolf. Their eyes roll back like a dolls eyes…then out come the yellow, sharp teeth.

Now I see why people whack them in the head as pups because nobody would dare attack them once they leave the pupae stage. Forget wolves, these guys are more like BEARS! Bears of the sea. If a great white was a mammal he’d be a seal. From now on I’m not snorkeling unless I buy a King Neptune-style trident.

Evil seals.