McPalin

This is what happens when the press awoke the sleeping dragon-lady. And there was never a more graceful lovely dismantling of elite media in my lifetime. This is not McCain vs. Obama, it’s the Obama wing of the media against soccer-mom America…and the media doesn’t have a chance.

These are the new battle-grounds and I love how journalism just got their candidate’s head handed back to them on a platter. Don’t jack with momma bear’s cubs.

Style – 0
Substance – 1

The funny is that half of the Republicans in the room didn’t understand that when McPalin cleans up politics a whole mess of that cheering room is going to get their own pork-packed Republican heads handed back to them on a spit. Keep cheering guys.

Evil Seals

It’s official. I’m afraid of seals. They look like bloated, hairy, leeches and seemed harmless until this last weekend when I snorkeled at La Jolla Cove.

These things are huge, I’m talking twelve feet long. Standing on a rock, fifteen seals swirled around and wanted the rock. They didn’t like me up there, and might have seen me as establishing my dominance given I was displaying my colors…my day-glow swim trunks from Target.

I crawled down the rock, snorkel and breathing tube pulled up on my head, and as soon as I put my feet in the water the seals would circle closer, put their head above water and show their teeth. I don’t care how brave you think you are, seals have the exact same sized teeth and jaws of a wolf. Their eyes roll back like a dolls eyes…then out come the yellow, sharp teeth.

Now I see why people whack them in the head as pups because nobody would dare attack them once they leave the pupae stage. Forget wolves, these guys are more like BEARS! Bears of the sea. If a great white was a mammal he’d be a seal. From now on I’m not snorkeling unless I buy a King Neptune-style trident.

Evil seals.

What I Learned About Myself from the Democratic Convention

I’m a Conservative Republican. After listening to the speakers at the Democratic Convention I learned a lot about myself I didn’t know before.

I want children to go to bed hungry. I want to ruin children’s education. I want children to perform worse and worse. I only care about children in traditional family structures, I don’t care about other children. I want to sell out the children’s future economically. I want to ruin the world for the future’s children. I work to make animals go extinct and try to make ocean levels rise so children can’t live anymore.

I want the rich to be richer. I only want a few to make all of their money off the backs of poor or real people who work hard. I want people to have unstable home loans to get them into a house, then I want them to lose their house. I try to lose jobs for people. I try to get as many families off of insurance as possible I don’t want anyone to have health care. I want to keep dying kids from getting medicine in Canada.

I hate brown people. I want Mexicans to die before going to the doctor. I want to use Mexicans for work and I don’t want them to get paid. I’ll give you one guess where I want their money to go…I want to give it to the rich! If I don’t vote for a brown person it’s because I’m not ready for brown in leadership. I don’t want women in leadership. I want to obstruct the progress of brown people and women who just want a job or want to succeed in politics.

I want war to last forever. I don’t care about our troops. I want people to die to get oil for the rich. I don’t want to catch Bin Laden. I don’t want to talk to foreign leaders, I want to end talks, go to war and piss off Europeans who have always loved us. I want us to be less prosperous than China and India. I want to give them our jobs. I want American industry to die and go overseas.

I don’t like unity. I want division. I don’t compromise the way the other side does. I just want to divide with my negative politics. I hate positive politics. I want a dirty campaign. I want to call names and not address issues. I want to protect the status que. I hate change if it involves good ideas.

I don’t like Obama because of his name. I don’t like Obama because I think he’s a Muslim. I don’t like Obama because he’s black. I don’t like Obama because his ears are too big.

I want the government in a woman’s womb. I’m against science. I don’t want gays to love each other because they aren’t like me. I want to stop love. I’m against hope. I think saying “we can” is stupid. I don’t think we can do anything. I don’t want those with horrible diseases to get help.

I think Christianity is just for my party. I think God is a Republican. I think we have control over all Christians. I like to take advantage of Christians. I lie. I lie to people to get what I need. I don’t really respect Christians I just want to pretend to be Christian so Christians will empower me to go to war for oil. I love oil. I don’t have any values but to serve oil companies. I’m in the pocket of the rich. I don’t have any agenda of my own but to protect the rich. And the Saudi Family. I just want to ally with the Saudi Family and screw over families in America.

My values are not American. My values are to help the rich. I took away America’s greatness. I’m preventing America from going back to a status of greatness like when Clinton was President. I want to go back to our time of failure like under Reagan. I want another president who will take away America’s greatness just like Reagan took away America’s greatness that Carter built up. Kennedy had him some American greatness, before Nixon came along and took America’s greatness away.

We have no arguments but to bring up Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton. We spend a lot of money to tell lies about Obama.

I want four more years of Bush. I want four more years of secret Cheney puppeteering on behalf of the oil companies. I want four more years of Bush joblessness. I want four more years of Bush expansion of government spending.

I have to be honest, I didn’t know any of this stuff about we Conservative Republicans before the Democratic Convention. I learned a lot about myself this week.