Democracy Protects Us From the Bigger Idiot
February 9, 2008
Don’t be upset with whoever we vote to be the next president. If you don’t like who the majority happened to come up with, you’re a snob, a baby, lazy or an idiot. Perhaps even all of the above.
If we elect McCain, we deserve McCain. If we elect Obama, we deserve Obama. I can’t really be upset with whoever we get, because that’s who the majority wants, and I’m in principle for the majority, even when we pick a dangerous, hideous president. If we vote Hitler in office I might be upset at first, but what I’m really saying is that I’m lazy. I know the right thing to do would be to shoot president Hitler in the head, but I really don’t want to actually do the right thing, so I complain instead.
The majority represents a lot more people than just me. In fact, the majority represents about 125 million more people than me. So how can I be angry at what 125 million people wanted in a system designed to determine what 125 people want? That’s where complaining would turn me into a snob. This Republic is designed to be lead by whoever most of us pick and it’s snobbish for me to think I’m better than the majority of us. It’s also idiotic to think that I should be the one to thwart the will of the people and choose my better candidate. Our system isn’t designed to get the best the candidate. The best candidate in either party will never win. It’s designed to get the candidate who can move the massive swell of the generally stupid-but-well-intentioned majority.
Let me alleviate your let-down in advance of this November. You’ll be upset that the gay marriage candidate did win or didn’t win. You’ll be upset that the anti-abortion candidate did win or didn’t win. The pro war candidate did win or didn’t win. You and I know better than 125 million people as to who should be president. The most popular candidate will win, not the best.
If you’re a sour grapes conspiracy nut, please don’t bother polluting my comics with this crap about Bush stealing elections, the supreme court being in his pocket under authority of the Skull and Bones and the mythical Jews and Masons that secretly run the world from a cabal in the basement of the Vatican. Bush being handed an election is just as much a part of our system as the Supreme Court finding a right to abortion in the Constitution. These fringe situations are part of our rich heritage of being an imperfect country. We don’t need to attribute every human mistake to flying saucers and the number 23. Shit happens. America happens.
My first vote I participated in was in 1984. I went out on a limb and with almost no information, wisdom or intelligence I cast my vote for Reagan. I think that’s the year Reagan carried 49 of 50 states so we all seemed to agree that he would do the least damage to the country. Reagan was a great Republican, though he gave us Sandra Day O’Connor a person who pretty much got appointed to the Supreme Court because she had a vagina. If Bork was a woman this country’s Constitution would be seen in a completely different light. One tiny sperm gamete delivered by Bork’s father changed the history of this planet. Yeah, it works just like that.
Now we have a couple of nominees that look like they came from central casting: the old crippled war hero and the charismatic black snake-oil hunk with a Hollywood sign tattooed on his ass. Hillary and Huckabee are in there too but I’ll let you come up with your own flowery descriptions of those characters. None of these leaders will save us. We’re screwed if America can be torn asunder by Obama or McCain…and perhaps that’s what we fear. We know that we’re teetering so close to the edge of no longer being America that one last candidate will push us over the edge.
I for one fear what a leftist will appoint to the Supreme Court because while plenty of Conservative presidents accidentally appointed more liberal judges, no Liberal President ever accidentally appoints a conservative. One party has a sterling record of packing the court and that’s party I’m afraid of. But even so, we get what we deserve.
Some will wonder if “my guy” is out of the race yet. My guy never gets out of the race. If the choice is between Bin Laden and not-so-Bin Laden, then not-so-Bin Laden is my guy. Third party, no party, vote or don’t vote, we get exactly what we wanted. Screw this whole thing into the ground? Bring it! Make us a better nation? Yeah! Stay in the war or get out? Let’s do it! Democracy, we get what we pay for.