Cartoon Network, I Want a Freaking Office

February 11, 2008

I got an order from Cartoon Network to start making a short last year. I did my part, did the storyboards, had them rejected in another state, resubmitted boards, got them accepted in another state and now we’re in the middle of pre production (that’s what we call work on the short before it goes to Korea for animation).

So I need an office. Mostly because my four kids know I’m less than seven feet below where they watch TV (I have low ceilings in my basement studio). When kids know you’re downstairs they’ll “accidentally” lock my studio door from upstairs. They think it’s funny when daddy is locked out of the house, trapped in solitary confinement of the basement. I pound on the door and sound like Fred Flintstone in the opening theme of the same when he’s screaming, “WILMAAAA!”

One kid won’t disrespect me like that alone but get them all together and they know they have strength in numbers. It’s like they challenge me, “You can only catch one of us and we’ll probably be able to sweet talk you out of a spanking so you get to spend forever locked in the basement. Thanks in advance for paying my college tuition that I’ll blow on drugs and worse. I didn’t ask to be born. Thanks for giving me your freakish height genes, I pretty much only get to wear old man clothes from the J.C. Penny’s Extra Tall and Fashionable if I was Dead in a Coffin at a Nerd Golf Club Catalogue”. Oh for the days of the Old Testament when a kid would disrespect the elderly and get eaten by a bear. Truly, where is God these days? He appears to be running Obama’s campaign.

Anyways, I don’t need an office to do work. I didn’t work at my office while at Nickelodeon. I checked Email and even took naps. It’s a nice place to keep my stuff. I raised some toads in that office. Now I need a place at Cartoon Network. In my mind it says, “You work at Cartoon Network, go to your office instead of making house repair to do lists on your dry erase board.”

An office equals employment. It’s like a wedding ring given to you by the studios. The wedding ring isn’t the marriage, it’s a lump of molecules that symbolizes mutual commitment and self sacrifice, love, ownership, beauty…I need an office. I feel like a whore out here running from studio to studio with no ring on my finger.

Working at Cartoon Network without an office is like putting in the work for a marriage without getting the commitment. I went to counseling, I’m staying relatively loyal to the network and I be walking around without a ring. Are they cheap? No, they have lots of empty offices laying around. Could they spare a cubicle? We all know cubic zirconium isn’t a great start for a marriage but it beats nothing at all. A decently buffed c.z. will scare off other suitors.

I need an office C.N. Come on, I can’t buy a decent sized fish aquarium and put it in my house. Plus my home is in Glendale and you are in Burbank so my kids can scream all they want and I’ll just barely be able to hear them from work.


7 Responses to “Cartoon Network, I Want a Freaking Office”

  1. Tommy Lopez Says:

    Hope Phibian Mike is as good as Catscratch, put Luci Christian in the show & do a Pez promo for Phibian Mike ok? :)

  2. Maxwell Morgan Says:

    I stopped watching CN around age 13, when it devolved into nothin g but fart jokes and anime.
    You should make your own channel, one free of any kind of age related constraint!

  3. doug Says:

    That’s funny because I stopped watching CN right around when the lost any kind of age related constraint on Adult Swim.

  4. Jason Says:

    I only watch CN for Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends and that’s when the kids want to watch it.

    That was a hilarious post, Doug. Thanks for the smile.

  5. ‘,; I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives useful information .;~

  6. Have you considered doing anything for The Hub channel? Although the daytime programs are aimed at younger audiences, it seems that they switch to more mature audiences in the evening, with Transformers Prime, G.I.Joe, and etc.

  7. Have you considered doing anything for The Hub channel? Although the daytime programs are aimed at younger audiences, it seems that they switch to more mature audiences in the evening, with Transformers Prime, G.I.Joe, and etc.
    *Whoops, screwed up my e-mail on that last comment.*

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