Cloverfield is the Most Romantic Movie Ever Made

February 16, 2008

Okay, Cloverfield is the most romantic movie ever made.

We measure the level of love a man has for a woman by the amount of sacrifice he’s willing to give for her love. Rob sacrificed everything for Beth, to a point that the universe responded with a monster invasion from another galaxy.

Here, I’ll unpack it for you. We already saw Rob love on Beth in the opening of the movie. He interviews her in bed supposedly after a night of intimacy. If I was Beth’s father I might have something to say about that but this isn’t about morality, it’s about romance. By the way, romance is rarely about morality.

Beth makes a comment about Rob’s diminutive manhood and he laughs it off. That’s love. They’re showing their comfort with each other. Ah, but Rob didn’t just nail her and run, he’s going to proverbially cuddle with her by taking Beth to Coney Island for the day. This isn’t just any old place to take a girl, but it’s clear that Beth is a woman of means when we see her gold sequined dress. She’s been in New York but hasn’t been to a trashy, pedestrian place like Coney Island.

So Rob takes “the princess” to an exciting but exotic place to a snooty chick like Beth. Like when Aladdin took Jasmine to the marketplace for the first time and she tastes the life of a peasant for the first time. They have a simple day together and while on an elevator of some kind they admit, “It’s the perfect day.” And that’s just what they had, the most perfect day ever experienced in the universe by two lovers.

Now the universe can’t have a perfect all time day, it has to counterbalance joy with some form of catastrophic event. This is a closed universe after all bound by cause-and-effect, so the most perfect day in the world created the Cloverfield monster which falls from the sky into the ocean at the moment of perfection experienced on Coney Island. The debt to pay for such joy is not satiated until Rob and Beth are blown up at the end. My theory is that when Rob and Beth are nuked, the Cloverfield monster vanishes having brought the universe back into balance.

Please read this post while shaking your head or computer screen back and forth to get the full Cloverfield effect of delivery.


2 Responses to “Cloverfield is the Most Romantic Movie Ever Made”

  1. Josh Says:

    Nope, sorry, monster’s still alive. It’s evidenced in a flasher sequence by a garbled message that’s in reverse. Gotta make a franchise out of it, you know. This is supposed to be our answer to Godzilla. Clovie’s our boy.

  2. Miguel Says:

    wow doug, your opinion goes beyond the tipic critic’s point of view a takes it to existentialism.

    That rules.

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