Evil Seals

September 3, 2008

It’s official. I’m afraid of seals. They look like bloated, hairy, leeches and seemed harmless until this last weekend when I snorkeled at La Jolla Cove.

These things are huge, I’m talking twelve feet long. Standing on a rock, fifteen seals swirled around and wanted the rock. They didn’t like me up there, and might have seen me as establishing my dominance given I was displaying my colors…my day-glow swim trunks from Target.

I crawled down the rock, snorkel and breathing tube pulled up on my head, and as soon as I put my feet in the water the seals would circle closer, put their head above water and show their teeth. I don’t care how brave you think you are, seals have the exact same sized teeth and jaws of a wolf. Their eyes roll back like a dolls eyes…then out come the yellow, sharp teeth.

Now I see why people whack them in the head as pups because nobody would dare attack them once they leave the pupae stage. Forget wolves, these guys are more like BEARS! Bears of the sea. If a great white was a mammal he’d be a seal. From now on I’m not snorkeling unless I buy a King Neptune-style trident.

Evil seals.


9 Responses to “Evil Seals”

  1. Gloria Says:

    … I’m going to assume you’re talking about Sea Lions, here – I’m pretty sure harbour seals are quite shy.

    Devon has always assured me that Sea Lions won’t attack you while you’re diving/in the water – but they are VERY territorial on land!

    On a scientific note – Sea Lions are seals of the “eared” variety also known as fur seals. They are distinguised from “true seals” by the presence of visible external ears and the structure of their hind limbs which allows them to move much faster on land than the true seals.

    As you discovered, they call them sea LIONS for a reason. XD They can be pretty aggressive.

  2. Matt_L Says:

    I think our friend Tony Hale can give an amen to that.

  3. Ryan Says:

    “Loose seal! Loose seal!”

    That’s a freaky story, Doug. I’ve encountered them snorkeling before, but I was in the water and they kept their distance.

  4. lemm Says:

    Scary! I’m just glad you didn’t get mauled, Doug. They are related to dogs I think…
    Hope you had a nice break. :)

  5. Ian Says:

    I can definitely relate to this- growing up in San Diego I spent a ton of time at the rock harbors, especially black pier and thereabouts. Seals seem cool until you see about 200 of them together on the rocks, bellowing and flopping around just to show off how much they weigh. It’s like a platoon of wounded, frenzied roman centurions or something, only they’re 600 pounds each. Scary stuff.

  6. amr Says:

    Thank you, I will update my notebook re: seals.

  7. Ed Says:

    I don’t know who the hell this “tennapel” character is, (if indeed that is your name) but this post made me laugh like hell.

    Well done, Sir, well done indeed.

  8. DALIA RUBI Says:

    Hola doug, yo soy de guatemala y me encanta earthworm jim, espero que salga una pelicula, un juego y una nueva serie sobre eso porque es buenìsimo.

  9. pawarralp Says:

    Это уже боян, а не тема

    здесь видел ет gamebulletin.ru

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